


Sweetest Voice

by AlwaysACuteMess



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: ASMR, Desperation, F/M, Insomnia, Medium Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 04:15:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14096988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysACuteMess/pseuds/AlwaysACuteMess
Summary: Dan's insomnia worsens to a pace that makes him a danger to himself and others. During a tense chat with Arin, Ross eavesdrops and decides to try and help by way of a recommendation. Personalized ASMR, he says. Where a girl comes to your house and helps you relax. Holly swears it's not an escort service (despite what Ross may think) and that her friend is legit. Dan figures... what else has he got to lose...?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to ... whatever this is.

The lack of sleep was really starting to weigh on him. Long nights of tossing and turning bleeding over into weeks with only a handful of hours in which his eyes actually stayed shut. A couple hours one night, none the next, maybe one if he was lucky the night after that. He’d taken up reading over the last long torturous month, thinking text would tire him out eventually and his mind would just drift off. It served to do the former and less of the latter. Instead he’d just be too tired to read, even with his glasses on, and would be reduced to lying in bed, staring up hopelessly at the canopied frame. Until that first hint of sunrise would make any further attempt not only foolish, not only meaningless, but frustrating all the same.

So Dan would get up. Meditate for a while. Center himself. Breathe… try and let calmness wash over him. Once or twice he even tried to fool himself into relaxing this way, thinking he could fall asleep doing so, but this too came up a wash. Something in the back of his mind was disconnected, or perhaps too fully connected to sever. And it was causing the worst bout of insomnia he’d had in his entire life. It started to seep into his work. Writing lyrics would turn into garbage, rhymes with either the same word or just off beat enough to not work. Grumps became difficult because his lack of involvement with commentary would make episodes boring to listen to (at least he felt, Arin hadn’t said anything… yet). Planning for tours, or merch, or album and music video dates would be too hard, and he’d just take the backseat and let Brian and Brent do most of the talking among themselves (something neither were impressed or happy with, but again, no one said anything… yet).

His last saving grace came one night around three in the morning, surfing YouTube from his phone. Having fully given up on sleep that night (or last night.. the night before that.. and the night before… what day was it again??), browsing aimlessly over Vine compilations or shitty meme videos, something just to make him tiredly giggle, something just to make him feel. To preoccupy his graying mind before the sun would come up yet again and he’d be lost in a void of numbers and dates and voices… his recommend box popped up some of his favorite ASMR videos- and some he’d never seen before. Some with titles like “ _ASMR to help you sleep zzzz..._ ” These weren’t the kind of videos he normally watched in this category. He liked the whispery maidens who pretended like they were an elf or a librarian or… anything, really. But he’d listened to all those ones, twice or thrice by now no doubt, and, well.. what else did he have to lose?

So he tried the weird part of ASMR. The videos with fake ears and rubbing and mouth sounds… taps on textures, brushing and cutting wigs. It gave him those good little tingles down from his scalp, the back of his neck… and it also relaxed him, surprisingly. Once he closed his eyes and ignored the hands rubbing and touching on microphone, silicon ears, he just got lost in the soft, subtle sounds. Noises. That’s all it was.

He couldn’t recall the last video he watched. But very suddenly, the sun was up. And his phone was dead. He’d slept for a full four hours. Drifted off to random-chance ASMR. For the first time in a couple months, he thought he finally found his solution. And when he went to the office that morning, after some meditation and a quick shower, he was late, but happy. So no one questioned it. No one dared to break the newfound spell. If Dan was alert and smiling, there was peace in the world again.

But like all good things, it eventually came to its untimely, unfortunate end. Desperation started to seep back in after a few months. After it felt like he’d seen everything the YouTube ASMR community had to offer. Clicked on all the videos with the sounds he liked (and there were many now). Had watched every video at least four or five times by now. That’s when the desensitization started. When the tingles became dull. The relaxation less. Until eventually there were no tingles at all. And he knew every sound approaching and waited on them, couldn’t make his mind stop pacing forward audibly before the video even got there. And after that, there was no more relaxation.

There was no more sleep.  
Eventually the videos became stressful to listen to, even, because he couldn’t make himself stop jumping forward. Couldn’t stop anticipating every few seconds, knowing the beats and the cues like they were lyrics in a song. Sure, there would always be new uploads, but he’d devour them so fast and so hungrily that those too became a nightmare.

And so sleep deprivation and insomnia set in hard again. Maybe even harder this time. Knowing there was no cure- especially so when he sought medical help, and was told sleeping pills would be too “hard” on his already delicate system. He was too tired to ask what that meant. Only trusting the judgment of a medical professional who was telling him not to take pills that may have had the chance to put him into a sleep he may not come out of. And so the slide began again. Tired. Grumpy. Unable to focus on small things let alone big planning things and episodes of Grumps. Only sleeping for an hour or so in between nights when his body physically gave out. Stressed as he was, nightmares finding him in these reprieves until even those slight moments of unconsciousness were unbearable, too.

The break came in the parking lot of the Grump office, when Arin had just arrived and spotted Dan just coming in, too. In an unfamiliar car, with an unfamiliar driver, and an all too familiar logo. And after an uncomfortable exchange, he waited by the door as Dan lumbered over, no longer lithe, smooth or confident in his strides. Now just a heaping mess of long limbs and tangled hair. Dead eyes. “Who was that? Did you just Uber here?”

“Yeah.” Mumbled as he reached up to scratch at his overgrown beard. “Can’t drive. It’s not safe. I almost crashed my car last night. It’s not safe. I can’t drive.” Repeating words he’d already forgotten had come out of his mouth the moment they crossed the threshold.

Arin could only muster the most worried of glances, and he was sure Dan couldn’t even register the emotion anyway. “C’mon buddy, let’s get you inside...”

No one had thought to assume how serious this was. Dan had had bouts of restlessness, sleeplessness before- but never this bad. Never so much that he was a danger to himself and others (bless his heart that he had the fortitude to know it, too). Once the Monday meeting was over, most of which Dan had assuredly not paid attention to no matter how hard he tried, he set himself up with his third cup of green tea (extra honey), and sat in the back booth by himself. Drifting far out into a space that was neither comforting or relaxing. It just was.

That bubble was broken one more time by Arin who dared to sit opposite him, only gaining his attention after a third call of his name. “This shit’s really bad, huh?” Nervous for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the show they had to do in an hour. Luckily for him (or them), the audience seemed to really enjoy “sleepy Dan”, even if Dan himself didn’t much enjoy it at all.

“Pretty bad.” Only able to muster up the briefest of responses, setting his empty eyes on his friend across the way.

“Have you uh… gone to a doctor? Or..?” Not wanting to assume Dan wasn’t doing anything to help himself, especially with the hard frown aimed at him suddenly.

“ _Yeah._ I have. If you think you’re miserable looking at me, just imagine how I feel.” Downward turn of his lips flitting back up into an amicable but brief smile. He was angry and frustrated and felt like death but he couldn’t find it in himself regardless to be someone he wasn’t. Those feelings didn’t make him.

That small smile and genuine lightness eased Arin again and emboldened his search. “How about that ASMR stuff? That was working, right?” What could be done? If a doctor’s visit hadn’t helped, what were his options?

Dan waved a hand dismissively at him, letting it fall lopsided to the table from whence it came only seconds after. “Doesn’t work anymore. I feel like I know everything- I’ve heard everything. So I wait. I’ve heard it all. My brain starts anticipating- like, I’ve heard it all, so I know what’s coming. It doesn’t help anymore.” Words muddying together in a soft ramble.

Just in the other room, door open, a pair of ears very used to eavesdropping listened in.

“Oh...” Arin could only imagine, with what he knew of Dan, that subjecting himself to grinding mental gears was only bringing up more painful ghosts. “Even new stuff? That community is getting huge. I bet there’s-”  
  
“ _Yes_.” Harder this time than last. “Even new stuff. Look like- I appreciate this but if you think I haven’t tried everything, I don’t know what to tell you. I know you’re looking out for me, and I’m sorry if I’m making things difficult. But I’ve tried.” Propping his elbow on the table, he dropped his chin into his upturn palm, frizzy curls sliding forward over his eyes. “I’ve tried.” Arin’s stunned silence lingered and Dan forced himself to take a breath, shifting his free hand back and forth in his hair. “I- … I appreciate you looking out for me. I know you’re just trying to help. I’ll figure it out. I’m fine for Grumps, I promise. I’ll get a coffee before we go.” Which would absolutely destroy his stomach later, but he had no choice at this point. His _boss_ was clearly worried about the state of things. And his _friend_ even more worried than that.

Reaching forward, Arin laid a strong hand on his shoulder with a squeeze, a little shake. Affectionate. “If you need some time off we’d all understand. But- I get it. And I’ll leave you alone.” Sensing Dan was shrinking further and further away from him the more he prodded. “Offer’s on the table, though.” And with that he gave one more small pat and then got up and plodded away.

Dan thought about this for a moment, but in the end arrived at the idea that time off wasn’t going to help anything. Maybe if he went away but… what was the guarantee that him running somewhere far away wasn’t just going to leave him lying awake in a foreign bed instead of his own? Slim, he felt now. And then after a few moments more, static came in, and he promptly forgot what he was even thinking about at all. Or who he’d just been talking to. Instead he watched the remains of his half finished tea swirl about in its paper cup. Zoning far out to sea…

That was until a pair of lighter yet harder hands came down on his shoulders. “Hey, DAN!” Ross’ cheery and overly loud voice sounded just aside him, startling him with a yelp.

“What the **fuck** , Ross! Don’t do that!” Tone pitching up hard and quick, heart suddenly going a million miles a minute.

“Better than coffee, huh?” Ross sat down with one of those easy grins, but there was concern brewing in those bright eyes of his.

“Jesus Christ...” Hand on his chest, as much making a dramatic show as trying to make sure he wasn’t about to spiral into an attack of some kind. A few deep breaths did him a lot of kindness. “Why are you- ...what are you doing? Are you just lurking about listening in on everyone’s fucking conversations?” Despite the connotations of what he was asking, Dan’s tone was anything but malicious.

Sitting far back in his chair, Ross leveled a smarmy look Dan’s way. “You’re lucky I was. I mean it’s not like it’s not obvious to everyone you’ve been having a hell of a time.”

“Thanks.” Muttered as his head slid forward again.

“You’re welcome. Anyway. So I heard you and Ar, and the ASMR thing- and, well, Holly has this friend that does this uh… I guess she calls it personal ASMR? So I was thinking. If videos aren’t working and all, maybe you could give this a try. But I don’t know much about it. But I figured it couldn’t hurt to try at this point, right?” Excited as he was to be able to help and also have one over Dan, his words spilled out at a rate that Dan was having almost too much trouble processing.

Raising a hand as Ross tried to continue, “He- hang on, hang the fuck on, Ross!” Smiling despite himself. Ross’ enthusiasm was sometimes infectious. “Hang on, please… just let me.. think…” Taking another breath, almost trying to force Ross to mirror him, which ended up working as intended. “Personal ASMR? So you… what? Pay her to do videos for you?” Already on the negative side of this ideal. Videos weren’t working. So regardless of the personal touch, whatever that was, this wouldn’t-

“No. Like. She comes to your place. And does some. Stuff.” All at once the bubbles evaporated, and Ross now looked very wary. “I’ve said it sounds like escort service with more steps, but I got punched in the arm the one time that I did.”

At this Dan’s lips thinned. “You’re trying to get me to call an escort?” He wasn’t sure what the punchline of this joke was, but he knew he wasn’t pleased with it regardless.

“Call and ask Holly about it. She’ll tell you. They said it’s not that. It’s personalized ASMR.” Just repeating himself over.

Dan couldn’t help a very large sigh, shifting forward all the way to lay his head in his arms. He very suddenly had a headache. “And you think this will help?”

“I dunno dude. But if I were you I’d try anything at this point.” Which was, no doubt, why Ross probably bothered to say anything at all. And with that succinctness, Ross got up and promptly disappeared.

Leaving Dan there, adrift in a sea of uneasiness. He doubted Holly would be close with anyone unsavory, and despite Ross’ inclination for trickery and pranks for his own amusement at the expense of others, _Holly_ wouldn’t let something bad happen. He could trust her.

_Try anything at this point…  
...try anything at this point… _

Not realizing he was mumbling this to himself as he sat half back, just enough to get his phone out of his pocket and text Holly about this girl. He got halfway into a conversation he didn’t have the mind to pay attention to or record.

 

_Is it weird?_   
_It’s not weird. She’s a good person._   
_Is it legal?_   
_Why wouldn’t it be? Don’t listen to Ross._   
_Will it help?_   
_Could it hurt to try? She’s very nice. If it doesn’t work out, you won’t hurt her feelings. Honestly I wish I’d thought of it to tell you sooner. This could really help you!_   
_Alright. Can I have her email?_   
_Sure._

 

After a long day of Grumping and a longer day of pissing Brian off with inattentiveness, even longer still as he tossed and turned in bed, trying to stay away from bright lights before “bed”, his phone brought him right back into the fray. Where an alert led him to an email he didn’t remember writing.

 

_Hey, my name is Dan Avidan and Ross and Holly recommended you to me. I have been having month long stretches of little to no sleep. ASMR used to help but the videos don’t anymore. Is this something we could talk about in person? Thanks for your time in advance,_  
 _Danny_  


And a reply that he was suddenly very nervous about.   


_Danny,_  
 _Absolutely. I’ll thank them myself, and thank you for reaching out to me. If we could have a consultation session that would be lovely. Just to meet and talk things out. See where we are after that. If that sounds agreeable, I’m free any time tomorrow. If that’s too short notice we can work something else out. Let me know._  
 _Mhairi_  


His eyes glazed over the short blurb several times, frustrating himself trying to get his brain to process it. He’d reached out to someone- the _personalized ASMR_ girl- and she’d replied. That was all he could make out of it. And, tiredly, tapping on his phone with index finger only just to make sure his big, tired thumbs wouldn’t make an ass out of him before they even met face to face,  


_Tomorrow’s fine. Anywhere you want. Thanks for getting back to me, I really appreciate it._   


Taking a long time to even get it all spelled properly. Before he could rethink it, he let himself send it, trying to tamp down a weak burning hope.   
Hope…  
_Hope…_

The sun was coming up already…  
_When had that happened…?_


	2. Chapter 2

If this woman _was_ someone who could help him, he was no doubt blowing the entire deal. Being late on a first meeting, a consultation (which was technical talk for ‘first impression date’ he felt), was not a good sign. To his credit, it wasn’t really his fault. While he knew the diner that Mahairi had picked, being one of the ones he went to all the time for single-date lunch or when he couldn’t sleep, his Uber driver couldn’t make heads or tails of the streets once they got out of traffic. And he’d been too far gone to help any more than snippets of directions that seemed to only piss the guy off more than help. 

Regardless, he arrived at the front twenty minutes late, anxiety leaving him out of breath, while warring low energy left him dazed and drained. He wouldn’t have known who to look for, and the server at the front had asked him twice now  _how many_ . Thankfully, the woman he was there to meet seemed to have spotted him, and was waving him over (and thankfully just as much, he remembered his manners enough to apologize to the waitress and excuse himself with a tired  _my friend’s over there_ and a point). It took some doing to get his legs to bring him over to the booth in the back, but when he did he found just as much trouble waiting for him. 

“Hey, good afternoon. How are things?” She’d gotten up to offer a handshake, as well as an all too intoxicating Scottish lull. 

_Mahairi_ ,  **of course** .   
She was  **Scottish** . 

And not only that, she was beautiful. That kind of beautiful that painters only got right once in a century. Soft lighting just attracted to her like she was born in a sunbeam in the middle of a glen. Her eyes were deep but inviting, gently sweet. Hair cascading, gentle beachy waves... And her smile made his already weak knees even weaker. The shape of her mouth was- 

...moving. 

_ Oh. _   
“Um. Sorry- it’s good to meet you.” Offering her a wonky (at best) shake of his hand (realizing she’d gone in left, adjusting for it regardless, but quietly delighting in a fellow lefty). “Sorry again, for being late. And spacing out within literally the first few seconds of meeting.” Trying to get back to a charming he didn’t quite own, but his lopsided smile earned a calming one from her. “My Uber got lost coming here.” Logic dropping in and out again, but she seemed to understand. 

As she move to sit, so did he, setting his hands atop the table so he could keep an eye on them, not wanting to fidget too much in front of her. He was suddenly very antsy. But at least awake. “It’s not a problem. I’m just glad you made it at all. Seems like you’re in dire need of some rest.” 

Dopily he found himself nodding. “Yeah. More than you could really imagine.” Finding his giggles not to long after. “So, um… could you tell me more? About this? Holly and Ross really only explained the base, I imagine. It’d be good to hear you.. um… tell me about your craft.” Knowing ASMR people considered themselves artists, and he wouldn’t be one to argue. Not with the way it had helped him and what work they put into their videos. 

“Oh, sure. Well…” He watched, glazed over again, as the tip of her tongue touched up against the top of her teeth and then slid half down while she elongated the word, thinking. “So, if you like ASMR but are sort of getting desensitized to it, this is a good solution. Basically, we’re going to work on your triggers first, find out what makes you nice and melty.” Her laughter was kind. 

And his mind was in danger of going a million miles away. 

_ Tah werk on yer triggahrs…  
...what makes ya nice and mehlltyy… _ He over-vizualized her accent, getting lost in it. 

This was dangerous. 

“Melty. Yeah… um. The tingles?” Only offering very little as he realized he’d been staring, and that she’d been waiting. Another goofy smile saved him, but that wasn’t going to work every time. 

“The tingles, yeah. So- well, I wanted to get a feel for you, and I definitely wanna work with you. I’d like to help you, if you’d like my help. So the rest of this would just be going over what works for you. And then, so… the rest of it is once we work that out, we’ll make a first appointment. We can do it at my place, but if you’re looking for this to send you to sleep, your place would be better. Or- if you’re totally uncomfortable with that, which I get, we could do a hotel room or something.” Trying just to cover all her bases, coming off more nervous than she probably meant to, but he found it damnably adorable.

“Yeah… no wonder Ross said this sounded like an escort service with more steps.” It would be easy to make that assumption. 

Him saying this, however, made her frown. And he was sure he’d never felt worse in his life. “No. It’s not. I’m… I wouldn’t do that. This is.. I take this very seriously, you know.” 

His hands came up in a sure sign of no-offense-meant before he started blabbering. “No no no! Of course not. I’m totally sorry, I didn’t meant to imply that. I’m just- that was Ross  _ and _ I being idiots. I can tell this is something you care a lot about.” Rambling at her as quick as possible to try and salvage this. She was pretty and maybe she could help him. Holly was a trusted reference, so there was little chance this woman was going to take him to a hotel and murder him. 

He really had nothing to lose at all at this point. 

A smile returning to her lips eased him. “Alright. I’m glad we’re on the same page.” 

“For the record, I’m absolutely fine with you coming to my place, if that helps.” Willing to go the distance to prove he was serious and that he respected … whatever this was. 

She nodded, tucking a curl behind her ear. “It helps.” 

His smile turned into a definite pile of mush, and he hoped he was just coming off as overly tired- he was, so that was safe. But this was something just a  _ little _ different. “ Great. So-” He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say next, actually, so he was glad for the interruption of the waitress. 

And to even more of his delightful surprise, they ordered the same thing. Green tea with honey and a muffin (though she went for chocolate-chip while he went for blueberry). Once the ordering was through, she took him up again. “So, I have a lot of tech. It actually looks very silly, but you won’t be looking at it much, I imagine. But it’s good, high quality stuff. I get it from my brother, he helped me make it, actually. He’s an audio engineer.” 

“Does he live in Scotland?” No one had ever told him Mahairi lived there at any point, but it didn’t take a genius to guess. He supposed she was probably someone Holly met while she lived in Edinburgh. 

“No- well, he used to, but he moved out a little bit after I did. He works in New York now, in the city.” There was a soft fondness in her tone that Dan only wanted to hear more of. 

“Oh yeah? That’s great. New York is really awesome.” Some of his own fondness bleeding through. 

Her smile brimmed wider. “Yeah? Have you been? It’s a wee bit overwhelming, all the people and the chatter and the tall buildings. But I don’t mind visiting. Living there though- oh. Forget about it.” Giving a dismissive wave with a ring of fairy-like laughter. 

“Tons of times. I may as well have grown up there. I’m from Jersey- New Jersey, but we went to the city all the time when I was a kid. And for a while I lived in Brooklyn while I was trying to do music.” Opening up to her felt so easy and natural. Granted he never really had a problem talking to people, but for how shut off he’d been due to his devastatingly tired state, this felt refreshing. 

Their tea and treats were served not a moment too soon, and she paused to take a sip first before turning her attention to him again. “Music, eh? That sounds exciting.”  He may have been fooling himself seeing stars in her eyes. 

He gave a shrug. “It was a blowout at the time. Lots of failure and disappointment.” Her frown returned and he realized he’d have done anything to make it go away. So he tried quickly. “But- that feels like seven lifetimes ago. And it wasn’t all bad. I moved to California a little while back and found a lot of success out here. It’s been a dream, really.” 

“That’s amazing.” There was a soft tint to her cheeks that he may or may not have been imagining. He was fine with that. “Am I helping some big minted rock star get some sleep?” 

“I wanna say sort of, and also no, but I also wanna be self-indulgent and just say yes.” Just slightly giddy. 

“So say yes!” Giggles overtaking her. 

Before he could even think about it, “Aye!” 

And despite her still quietly laughing, there was a glint of trouble in her eyes. “You wouldn’t be making fun of me now would you?” 

“No no! Of course not! I’m- your accent is really nice. Like… really nice. It’s honestly really relaxing- I’m just being an idiot. I promise. There’s a lot of that. Especially when I’m … uh. Like this.” Gesturing to briefly all of his upper half. She seemed to ease at that, taking another sip of her tea. “It’s actually really easy to see why this is what you do. I bet you put lots of people right out. You could probably read the phone book and that’d be enough.” He’d certainly try it out. Realizing now, however, that he’d basically vomited many words at her, he sat back, just a touch embarrassed. “I’m sorry though.. I keep just. Going on and on. Um. Tell me more about you? And this?” 

She looked at him in a way that he’d remember forever, along with words that he’d be thinking about all night. “I like listening to you, Danny.” It made him that nervous sort of squidgy, in his belly and chest. But before he could garble up something else (most likely embarrassing) at her, she continued. “But ehm… I mean there’s not much to tell. I moved here from the Vale a little while back and bounced between jobs while setting up an ASMR profile in a bunch of places. YouTube really stuck, but then I started doing personal sessions for friends which then morphed into this.” 

And while all of that was definitely intriguing, and he wanted her to go on and on- “I’m sorry, did you say the Vale?” The nerdery in his brain latched on to that and almost only that. 

Her giggles made an appearance and were friendly with his own. “Vale of Leven the town is called not the Vale of Arryn, I’m afraid. My life’s nowhere near as interesting as all that.” 

“I doubt that.” Sincerely, his smile then more handsome than he would have imagined in its calm, naturalness (for a moment she thought she could stare at him for hours and be totally entertained). “But… let’s just say hypothetically… I asked you to read the books to me for a session. Would that be something we could do?” 

She couldn’t help a grin. “Oh, yeah. Definitely. But that’d take more than one session. I think.” 

They shared a smile that was more than friendly, somewhere sauntering between warm and mutually, quietly awed.

“I wouldn’t mind.” 

“Me, either.”

_ Where had Holly been hiding this girl…?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, she's just his type.


End file.
